Originally posted February 2010
I have been in a "bad way" lately. Work is in the crapper and our financial future is in the air. I have been trying to not pass my anxiety onto my daughter but I think she is on to me.
Tonight I realized my patience was nearly non- existent with her and I didn't facilitate any new positive experiences for her. Nope. Instead I treated her not as my new body part but instead like a 25 pound knapsack I was bothered with having to tote around.
As I sat in my bedroom flipping through channels while she napped I landed on a part of a movie with a quote I have held dear to me for years. "mother is the name of god to her children".
Now I grew up in "church" and have always believed in an omnipresent entity that I should revere, confess to, abide by his laws, make happy, and basically stay on his good side or else. He has been on my " I'm not too fond of" list for a good 7 years. Why? He wasn't there for me the way I needed him to be. I couldn't read his facial expressions or feel his arms around me for comfort.
The great thing about being Mommy G_d is that I am physically here for her. I can look her in the eyes, take her by the hand to help her walk, wrap my arms around her for much needed comfort. I can be there front and center for her or in the back row of the room so she knows I am there in case she needs me.
With this I need to step up to my A game and be like the G_d she will be taught about one day.
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