Oh, just F it!

Cover of Barry Manilow

Here's a list of potentially offensive, looked-down-upon, back of hand to forehead gasp worthy things about Me. I'm just in that type of mood.

1. I'm a Libertarian
2. I love boobs and did not breastfeed
3. My daughter uses profanity...in context which makes me proud of her
4. I'm not sending my daughter to Preschool because she'll come home germ infested
5. My favorite word is "The F Word"
6. I know how to read tarot cards
7. I think pot and prostitution should be legalized
8. I have a horrible, evil temper
9.  What happened in Vegas stays in Vegas
10.  I don't do playdates...unless there are cocktails involved
11.  I see nothing wrong with a cocktail before 10AM. It's always noon somewhere
12. I pray
13. I LOVE Barry Manilow
14. I laugh at farts
15. I am Anti-Walmart
16.  I used to smoke 3 packs a day
17.  I'm Pro-Choice
18. I love writing even though I was told it is of the devil
19.  My daughter and husband are my world
20.  I like saying things to get a rise out of people

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Vision, Passion, Purpose-Chazown! {Book Review}

"...the decisions you are making today are actually making the bed you will lie in while you wait to die."

Before Craig Groeschel begins to outline how to find your Chazown (Hebrew meaning: Dream, Revelation, Vision), he has you trying to figure it out. This is not the usual find-your-purpose book. Groeschel writes in an easy to read non-pretentious tone that many "self help" books tend to reflect.

Chazown is a workbook guiding your direction to your God intended life purpose. Groeschel divides the key ingredients in 3 intersecting circles.

Past Experiences-what have they prepared you for?
Spiritual Gifts-what are you good at and love to do?
Core Values-what are you most passionate about and stand for above all else?

The area of intersection is where you will discover your Chazown!

After your vision is defined, Groeschel helps you apply it to 5 "relationships" in your life: Relationships with God, People, Finances, Health, and Work.

Chazown is a God lead book intended not to preach the gospels but to live them through your Vision, Passion, and Purpose.

God has already given everyone a purpose, Chazown helps you find it.

**"I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review"

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

Image via Wikipedia

My daughter doesn't know who Jesus is. Oh, she knows the Jesus that hangs off of her nonno's necklace and she's been to 2 church funerals but other than that, nothing. And I'm sure right now many of you are debating to unfollow me or gasping for air while saying a prayer for me.

This time of the year always gets me thinking and now with a child I'm feeling the pressure. I do celebrate Christmas as the birth of Jesus; I also celebrate Hanukkah; Buddhist Chants are a nightly thing around here; and I respect Islam. All right, now you're really praying!

Brief Background: I was raised United Pentecostal until I went away to college. While in college I questioned things and dabbled in what the "church people" would consider free passes straight to hell. After college, I went Non-denominational, and now I consider myself just spiritual. 

This past summer while out for a walk my daughter pointed to a building and asked what it was. It was a Catholic church. When I told her she then asked "what do you do in it?" "They talk about Jesus" "Who is Jesus?" That's when it hit me hard. My husband and I have talked about "going to church" but the problem is we don't know which one. How do you choose for someone else something that will potentially determine their eternity?

So, it's Christmas time. My daughter knows what Buddhist statues look like, she's infatuated with dreidels, and I've got a story to tell her about that little baby in the barn under the tree.

In true Jesus fashion, this holiday season I'm going to lead by example.  Living a good life, fostering an environment free of self-righteousness, shame, and guilt, encouraging questions of faith and beliefs, and stalling as long as possible before choosing a family church!

Has this been an issue for anyone?

I am Mommy G_d! *Repost from 2/2010. 1 of my favs*

Originally posted February 2010

I have been in a "bad way" lately. Work is in the crapper and our financial future is in the air. I have been trying to not pass my anxiety onto my daughter but I think she is on to me.

Tonight I realized my patience was nearly non- existent with her and I didn't facilitate any new positive experiences for her. Nope. Instead I treated her not as my new body part but instead like a 25 pound knapsack I was bothered with having to tote around.

As I sat in my bedroom flipping through channels while she napped I landed on a part of a movie with a quote I have held dear to me for years. "mother is the name of god to her children".

Now I grew up in "church" and have always believed in an omnipresent entity that I should revere, confess to, abide by his laws, make happy, and basically stay on his good side or else. He has been on my " I'm not too fond of" list for a good 7 years. Why? He wasn't there for me the way I needed him to be. I couldn't read his facial expressions or feel his arms around me for comfort.

The great thing about being Mommy G_d is that I am physically here for her. I can look her in the eyes, take her by the hand to help her walk, wrap my arms around her for much needed comfort. I can be there front and center for her or in the back row of the room so she knows I am there in case she needs me.

With this I need to step up to my A game and be like the G_d she will be taught about one day.

No pressure.
Sent from my iPhone

"I'm bringing the kids presents"

On July 13th we loaded the car with a really big box full of toys, games, stuffed animals, and video and headed to Adventist Hinsdale Hospital's Pediatric Unit.

Its like Fort Knox getting into the unit so once the big doors opened Bianca pranced in and screamed "I'm bringing the kids presents!" The nurses came running in delight and B was ready to distribute.

There was a write-up in the Hospital's newsletter about our annual donation, encouraging others to be blessings as well.

I'm excited for year 3. Better start planning that big bash! What theme should it be?

Setting up some of the goodies for a photo op.

Going to distribute a gift

Baby Noah getting a stuffed animal

The nurses told her to hold the baby's hand. She's trained not to touch babies' hands or faces. Confusion.

Lessons in Parenting: Hold the Frappe!

Frappe Regret
Do not, under any circumstances, give your toddler a 12oz McD Caramel Frappe! No matter how annoying her high pitched whiney-arsed crying tantrum becomes.

Especially 2 hours before bedtime!

Forgive me Father for I have sinned!

Cumin Get Happy!

My culinary adventures are usually documented in my other blog, Becoming Italian, but I had to share this one! OMG!

Pretty much 90% of the food we cook is of some Mediterranean influence, with about 98% of that being Italian. Well, tonight I pulled out my bible of Med cooking, "The Mediterranean Diet Cookbook" by Nancy Harmon Jenkins and made the most delish meal so far to date!

Seriously, we are adding it to our weekly meal plan, it's that good! Let me share it with you!

Kousbariya-A Lebanese fish baked in a tomato-cilantro sauce

OK, seeing it in a picture makes it look a bit scary, but from my mouth to G_d's ear it is good!

Want to try it yourself?

Here's the recipe (page 259)

2 pounds firm-textured white fish (I used cod)

a little flour for dusting the fish

1/4 cup olive oil

1 medium onion, halved and thinly sliced

1 garlic clove, chopped

3 very ripe tomatoes, seeded and chopped (I used one 28oz can of diced tomatoes)

1 tablespoon ground Cumin

1 cup minced cilantro

salt and pepper to taste

Cut the fish into serving size pieces about 1 inch thick.  Lightly dust the fish pieces with flour.  Heat 2 tablespoons of the olive oil in a heavy saute pan over medium to high heat and, when it is almost smoking, add the pieces of fish.  /saute the fish, a few pieces at a time, for 2 or 3 minutes to a side.

When all the fish is done, discard the frying fat, wipe the pan clean.  Add the remaining 2 tablespoons of oil to the pan and over medium-low heat gently saute the onion and garlic until soft but not brown-about 10-15 minutes.  Add the tomatoes and cook, stirring occasionally, until the tomatoes have given off their juices and started to thicken-about 10 minutes.  Stir in the cumin and cilantro.  Taste for seasoning and add salt and pepper if necessary.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Arrange the fish pieces in a shallow baking or gratin dish and cover them with sauce.  Bake for about 20 minutes or until the fish is thoroughly cooked and the sauce is bubbling.

Then dig in!

As a side my husband made Bruschetta on French bread that I made yesterday. All ingredients from our garden...can't get any fresher!

Healing Hurts

This morning I woke myself up from crying. The dreams I was having of course were the reason. I have been down all day and it is because of the disturbing dreams and emotions they created. Without going into great detail my happy-helper has started some major CBT with my first assignment going to be the hardest! My dreams last night were just an accumulation of my thoughts about this assignment and going through my memory file cabinet to get things in order.

As I go through this journey, of course I will write about it.  I always write...journals that I alone have ever read to blogs that I let the world read. Writing has always been my escape, my encouragement, my legacy. I am doing this for my daughter, my husband, my family, myself. Healing hurts but without pain your body doesn't know there is something that needs to heal.

And while I go through this process, I will continue to smile, joke, exude happiness and love. I will continue to fall in love with my daughter and make sure healthy love is all she experiences. I have to, that is my job right now.

I'm known to say it like it is. So, I've said it. Not a very uplifting post, but it's me. :-)

Here is a Twila Paris song that over the years has been my calming song, that told my story, that keeps me encouraged.

I understand 7

This week has been trying. I see why G_d rested on the 7th day. He needed a break to get ready to reap what he had sown. I, as Mommy G_d, only have one whiner demanding all my attention....can you imagine the billions of whiners he has to put up with on a daily basis? God bless him!

How the f$@k can I do this?

It's no secret. The relationship, and I use this term lightly, I have with my mother is quite poisonous. Everyday I marvel at her talent of rage and delusional perception of my existence.

This being said, I look at my daughter whom I love more than words can describe and wonder how the f!@k I'm gonna protect her from the craziness that I, just as my mother, am destined to succomb to?

The thought of me putting her through what I've endured all these years kills me! I don't wish such pain on my worst enemy!

I sit here still wondering what my plan will be as she comes running up to me proclaiming " oh noooo". I'll set aside my pondering so I can enjoy this moment and shower her with healthy love!