Lesson in Parenting: Poop is...

B has 3 of the most obnoxious dolls created! She loves these dolls which helps me control my desire to tie them to poles and burn them at the stake during a family BBQ.

The other morning she brought one of these said dolls to the table, the one she named "Brown Baby Alive", the one that poops.

B: "Mom, I want to feed Brown Baby Alive"
Me: "OK, I'll get her food ready."
B: talking to her doll, "Let me check your diaper first baby. Yuck, you have poop in there."
Off comes the pretty pricey disposable doll diaper.
B: "Mom, Brown Baby Alive has poop in her diaper I am going to throw it away now."
Me: "Is that poop from yesterday or today?" Hoping she'd get it that she can reuse the diaper if it is dry and not too soiled.
B: With a 'hey dumb ass' look on her face- "Mom, what does it matter? Poop is poop."
Then she turned and threw the diaper away.

Lesson learned: All poop is created equal.

Want to check out my other Lessons in Parenting? Then click here, make sure you take some notes, there will be a quiz at the end.

Skatey Katey FREE E-book

An author friend of mine has a wonderful story online that is great for your toddler and new reader, especially with snow on the ground and ice-skating on the mind. It is a FREE e-book, the illustrations are beautiful and the main character Katey your young one will easily make a friend!

Click Here to Read!

Lessons In Parenting: Dance til you puke

B attended her first wedding reception this past Saturday. Let me preface...ITALIAN Wedding, aka TONS OF FOOD & SWEETS.

As is expected, she ate well. Then the dance floor opened. She didn't want to go dance, but instead began spinning at the table. She was having so much fun. Giggling, falling, spinning, and whirling her pretty dress. I got caught up in her excitement, encouraging her fun.

She stopped, as did my evening.

Red colored, somewhat sweet smelling projectile vomit came flowing from her mouth to the white linen clad chair and table. The blue satin napkins were useless and the smell, well, was just nauseating.

Lesson learned: Even toddlers know how to party til they puke! Rock on!

"I don't want to get fat"

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

 "I don't want to get fat." This is the reason B gave her grandmother for not eating much yesterday.

I'm sick just thinking about this. My hubs and I have been very cautious regarding talking about weight & fat around her. I grew up "fat" and can remember as young as 4 or 5 my family commenting to me about my weight. I don't want this for my daughter.

Here's where I think I've messed up. When my daughter asks why I exercise I tell her so I can lose my fat and be healthy like her. She's a toddler so right now she wants to be like mommy. Doing what mommy does and for the same reasons is just her being almost 3 (WOW 15 more days and she will be 3!).

This is a wake up call. Stop talking and instead just lead by example. Live healthy and active for living's sake, not the number on the scale.

1,2,3 Smackdown

Get ready my strong-willed, tantrum throwing, voice screaming, fake crying, almost 3 years old, lovely daughter. Mommy is getting a new book this week, 1, 2, 3 Magic.

That's right- ONE:  I've resorted to a parenting book {gasp} and TWO: Just as I suspected it does take Magic to survive toddlerhood.

HELP! Toddler Sleep Hell!

Image via Wikipedia

Oh dear God I don't know how much more I can handle.

I was encouraged to stop the daily naps for my daughter so she will go to bed earlier. Perfect, I thought. I give up a couple hours in the middle of the day for a couple of me hours in the evening. 

Here's what has played out:

She gets horribly cranky, no cranky does not do that justice. She gets extremely bitchy late afternoon which in turn makes me bitchy.

She falls asleep by 7:30PM...Yippee!

At around 11PM she wakes and walks her  butt into our bedroom.

Around 2AM she is wide freaking awake demanding something: water, teddybear, blanket, tv.

7AM she wakes all ready to take on the day. Which means I have to set an earlier alarm for myself so I can have at least one cup of coffee in complete silence. (I hate mornings!)

Is there a secret code I need for this to transition more smoothly?

Am I just completely off my rocker for attempting to mess with someone's sleep pattern?

Lessons in Parenting: Choose your games wisely

The age old Farting Game. What? You're not familiar? It's the game where a person may or may not have floated an air biscuit, someone blurts out "Who Farted?" and the toddler in the room happily obliges in proclaiming who dealt it.

Always a good knee slapper, until said toddler decides to play the game in public without instigation and screams "Mommy Farted" while laughing at the top of her lungs.

FruGal is Freedom

I know August is not over, but it's darn near close. Month number 2 of our No Spend Challenge has gone quite well. Here are some of the highlights:

Overall cash spent outside of utilities and mortgage, we are going to finish about $200 less than July! High Five to us!

We did eat out a few times this month, I will admit...but we had coupons for everything! The 3 of us ate lunch at Steak and Shake, during their happy hour- half priced drinks, and with our 3 coupons we ended up saving over $6.00 off the total bill...that's an entire meal there! We walked out of there paying $11.00. Sweet!

Dryer? I have one? I've plumb forgot about having an electric dryer in the basement next to the washer. Everything gets line-dried...even socks now! Am I going overboard yet?

"Do you have your coupons mommy?" This is the question B asks before we leave the house now. She's my little FruGirl.

The only major hurdle is getting my husband to get receipts for things he purchases, no matter how small the bill. Today he said "Oh, I forgot. I did good the first two weeks." Well sweetie, those first 2 weeks were SIX weeks ago. Get with the program my dear Hubby; consider this your verbal warning. ;-)

My mind set has gone from "I'm doing this 'cause I ain't bringing home the bacon anymore and the baby needs a new pair of shoes" to "I'm doing this out of love for my family and myself."

This ethereality hit me yesterday while B played in her sandbox and I sat on the patio removing oregano leaves from their stems to dry them for the winter. It was a long, tedious task but I was enjoying the outdoors, the quiet, and my daughter building birthday cakes in the sand.

Frugal is freeing causing fear to be fleeting.

I'm on top of the world!

Executive Homemaker Series: Do You Have a Mission?

Holy Crap! We spent money like drunken sailors in port!

I have had 7 months to get a feel for my new position as COO of D&F, Inc. A few changes have been implemented here and there, but nothing drastic to cause a mutiny.

As a Chief Executive in the business world it took quite a while to take inventory of the situation I was entering, the people I was working with, the back office health and the front office image. This step was the hardest part, but because of the invested time in the beginning, implementing the plan went smooth, quick and successful.

Here is the main inventory list I've compiled:

1. 50% loss of household revenue

2. Poor stewardship of money, no definitive monetary goals

3. No "department" plans or objectives

4. Seat of the pants training of new recruits

5. Ill defined job descriptions

6. Building needs maintenance

7. Enthusiastic co-CEO, willing to do whatever it takes to succeed.

If you are an avid reader of The Mom Standard (Of course you are!), you know that we have started addressing 1 and 2. Our No Spend Challenge for August is going much better than July and I anticipate the remainder months of the year to only be better. No department is authorized to purchase anything that is not needed nor on sale. Expense receipts are collected daily down to the penny and "attaboys" are given when we save money on our needed purchases.

By the end of the year we will be better equipped to define our present and future monetary goals and how we are going to meet them. We will also be better equipped at knowing what truly is important to our family!

What's next for KimD, Executive Homemaker?
Marriage is a contract, a covenant. Family & household functioning should be one too. This is where I believe people tend to get stuck.

Entering marriage in most cases is pretty formal...meeting with ministers, pre-marriage counseling, etc. The focus was so much on the candidates that the positions and the goals of the "company" were not well defined nor detailed in how to attain them. "Oh we want to have kids in a few years, a house, and a dog one day" is NOT a detailed, orchestrated plan! Operating procedures are needed for our family to run like a well oiled machine.

Our Family Mission Statement is what's next on my to-do list.


What do you think? Do you have a well defined plan for your family? Do you have a family mission statement?

I'd really love to hear thoughts on this!

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• Every family CFO starts with a mission... (theglobeandmail.com)

Lessons in Parenting: They ARE staring!

When your toddler has a major, atomic bomb style tantrum in the store EVERYONE, even other kids, ARE staring at you. Take a deep breathe, fight back all urges to display public, non-PC, discipline options and run outta there like your arse is on fire!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For the love of meds!

This past weekend seemed extra trying with my journey into toddlerhood. Seriously, for all the moments, which are a ton, that I just love being part of a 2 year old's world, I have an equal amount of moments that I really feel like calling my happy helper for a stronger script. 

Then  daddy & daughter go for their nightly walk to feed the ducks and show her doll the moon, I have some time to myself , not once uttering "No", "Be nice to the cat", "You have to wear a diaper or panties", "One more episode of Calliou then it's naptime", etc., etc. and I put down the phone, put the tequila away, and realize my script is strong enough.

HELP!

I need a Mommy Hotline phone number!

Seriously, how the h. e. double hockey sticks can I get B to sleep before midnight! I've tried making her skip her nap but then she passes out about 7PM and wakes at 9PM saying "Good Morning Mommy". Leaving her in her bedroom to "cry it out" isn't an option....she makes herself puke! Creating a nighttime routine has been the hardest thing since deciphering the DiVinci Code!

Please provide me with what worked for you! I'll keep track of all the suggestions and let you know which one actually works for me!

It's ok, it's for me

Hanging out with B. She wants a cupcake. I tell her NO! She screams something in toddler-ese, vulgar I'm sure, and goes upstairs.

A minute later she comes down the stairs with 2 cupcakes. She looks at me with a smile and says "Here, for you Mommy" as she walks away eating her cupcake.

Frugal Confession

Yes, we are getting more Frugal everyday. I'm enjoying everything about trying to cut costs. The elephant in the room though is starting to make some noise.


I must confess that I'd cut back on groceries, cable, phone, gas, clothing, whatever, in order to continue the following:

• I cannot give up getting my hair cut & colored monthly. Nope, can't do it. This expense, which for many people would be seem quite lofty, $600+ a year has to be budgeted in to our Frugal Lifestyle. Even if no one sees me, I still must be well coifed.
• Once a month Date Night. Me and the Hubs need some time to date each other. We plan on being wise with our date night choices but we still have to do it! So, this too must be budgeted into our Frugal plan.
• Our annual weekend away in December. Each year we stay at a hotel in Chicago and go to the Christkindlmarket and some fine dining locale. This is also my Godson's Christmas gift from us...an annual experience. Fortunately for us, the Hilton offers Christmas in July specials so we book the hotel for dirt cheap in July and enjoy it in December.

There. The elephant has left the building and I feel repentant and ready to charge ahead..as in a battle cry to attack,  not charge as in charge card.

What things can't you give up for the sake of Frugality?

Lessons in Parenting: Hold the Frappe!

Frappe Regret
Do not, under any circumstances, give your toddler a 12oz McD Caramel Frappe! No matter how annoying her high pitched whiney-arsed crying tantrum becomes.

Especially 2 hours before bedtime!

Forgive me Father for I have sinned!

Pajama Saturday

It's cool, rainy, and overcast today. I declared a pajama day and its going great so far!

My Beautiful Ladybug

Accomplishments:

*played in a fort
*dressed up baby dolls
* PB & J living room picnic
*drum and accordion parade
*colored some masks





Maybe later we'll go outside in our pj's **gasp** and jump in some rain puddles!
Saturdays like these ROCK!

Work, Mom, Guilt

OK! Hi, I'm KimD and I am a Full-time, Stay-at-home-Mom who is also a Work-at-home-mom. There, I said it.

Back Note: Let's learn another KimD created word: SWAHM: Stay Work At Home Mom-an "in limbo" mom trying to balance both staying and working!

Here's the deal, I get a little nauseous when I say it. Yes, there are some "issues" about this that I'm addressing with my Happy Helper and I have the utmost respect and awe for the women who from the gate chose to be SAHMs, but just me calling myself a SAHM makes me disappointed in myself! Mind you, I had a SAH mom growing up and couldn't imagine life without one. I know, f'd up, right?

Work. I love it. I love anything and everything having to do with business. I have 2 degrees in business and will one day have my doctorate in business administration. I do have an at-home biz that I envision growing gangbusters and not actually be out of my home. I get a warm fuzzy feeling thinking about getting back out there in my expensive business attire, having meetings, closing deals, forecasting, planning, and implementing. I miss wheeling and dealing. I  miss the challenge. I miss the money!

Mom. I love it. I love stopping everything I'm doing when I hear her feet hit the floor in the morning to get ready for our "Good morning baby girl. Did you sleep well? Did you have any dreams?" conversation.   Our morning cuddle makes whatever crap is in store for the day a bit more bearable. I love being here when she delights in something new. I love being here when she gets hurt and needs a hero. I love being her best girlfriend. I love the giggle-fests we have daily. I love hearing her say "Mommy".

Guilt. I've got it! When I first transitioned into being unemployed (back in January) I focused obsessively on Shortycake Creations...like 24/7. My husband almost held an intervention! For those weeks B was a cranky mess and it's because I didn't give her the attention she needed. So, I sat down and marked off blocks of time that are work hours and family hours. I've stuck to it mostly, but as B is getting more and more interested in things the guilt of me sitting here at my computer creating promotions, editing pictures, returning emails, confirming orders is growing larger than my business! I can't even get into the guilt of not contributing to the family finances...that's a whole other gotta-get-a-grip-around-it-with-my-Happy-Helper issue!

So, it's Wednesday. It's supposed to be my No work, all about B day. I have orders that need to be finished by tomorrow night. I have a cupcake promotion I need to work on and get it ready for August 1st. I have another business op I want to get up and running. I have a zoo membership that has not been used much this summer. I have bills that need to be paid. I have dishes that need to be washed. I have a 2 year old who needs lots of lovin. I have a headache!

Am I the only SWAHM out here? Is this just a phase I'm going through? Somebody PLEASE intervene and put me on the straight and narrow!

I hear footsteps, gotta go!

Lessons In Parenting: A lesson in debating

Ever debate a toddler?
My new approach is allowing B to have her way when I tell her something and she says "No!" PENDING she provide a good argument why her way is best. 

I know, she's only 2 and testing her boundaries, blah, blah, blah, but I remember growing up and hearing "Because I said so" so much that I started picturing the "I" in that statement to be a huge scary ogre that would eat me limb by limb if I didn't just fall in line and do it because "I" said so!

Last night was our first run at this, and here's what went down:

M: "Get off that."

B: "No!" (With hands firmly on her hips.)

M: "Fine. Tell me your reason why you are not doing what Mommy told you."

Then a short pause with an intense look on her face

B: "Because I'm Banca!"

Enough said. She won.

B:1 M:0

Seriously, I'm going to blow a gasket!

Rant
I hate repeating myself! Having a two year old is intensifying this hatred!
"Don't touch mommy's desk, don't touch mommy's desk, don't touch mommy's desk."
"Stop pulling the cat's tail, stop pulling the cat's tail, stop pulling the cat's tail." 
Ugh.

Rant over
Feel somewhat better.